Hey disclaimer time, if you are reading this, you know my blog is HIGHLY "religious".
So, if you are easily offended, you might want to go find a blogger who is going to tickle your ears. Me...not so much. I'm going to tell you things straight up and from my perspective.
Keep in mind that Jesus is the only perfect man to have ever walked the earth.
My job here on earth is not to force you to accept Jesus but to tell how Jesus has changed my life.
Let me take you back to my origins. Every person has a story. I am no exception.
Once upon a time I was a good Christian girl. I have been saved well over 30 years. (Yes, I got the gold star) I attended church more often than some preachers. I have read through the bible cover to cover more times then I can count. I studied as hard as I could, took every online course available, took some bible school and mostly I dreamed of following in my mothers foot steps and prayed for her mantle to fall on me.
I love Jesus more then myself and you know what... I still fell and when I fell, I fell hard and fast. I was told by a "prophet" many years ago that I would fall and I would be alone and he was right and I totally disregarded him.
There came a time in my life where I didn't give a rats patootie about going to church. In fact, I honestly believed that I had lost my salvation. I don't believe in the fallacy of "Once saved, always saved". You can choose to walk away from God by your own freewill and give up your salvation.
I had enough of my wretched life. See, I prayed for years and years for my life situation to change. It only got worse.
I was for all intents and purpose, alone. My mom had died. I apparently had Postpartum depression, I attempted suicide twice, one time landing me in the loonie bin.
My brothers were all in the USA, I really had no family to lean on. It was perhaps the loneliest and darkest time for me. I honestly didn't think anyone cared. The 2 people I did tell gave me bull shit advice like "fake it till you make it" & "Be blameless"... I never made it and who else was to blame? I never prayed that people would changed, I prayed that God would change me so I could be more loving and obedient and hold on.
Nothing changed. Nothing ever changed. I had enough and when I saw an opportunity to break away, I ran at it! I left my entire world behind except my kid.
So I floundered for a few years. I have very little useful education. Little working skills. Divorced and penniless. I made huge mistakes along the way and as it turns out, I am really very good at making mistakes! Who knew! One of my many mistakes lead me away from church and I felt so dirty that I could not set face nor foot in church.
BUT GOD!
See, while I turned my back on Him, He never left me. Every step that I was taken, was well known to the all seeing, Omni Present God. I know I broke His heart. I know, like any father, that He just watched as I screwed up my life. But He never gave up on me.
Thankfully, I have praying brothers.
I firmly believe that everything that happen during those years was God ordained even though I couldn't see it. Kind of like the book of Esther... You know God is all over it, but you never see Him. From my best friend giving my daughter and I a place to stay, to the man who just wouldn't let me be.
I wouldn't say things were perfect and nothing really fell into place. A lot of bad things happen along the way, but a lot more good came from it. I learned a new career for one thing, and the career allowed me to see so many things and experience life in a very unusual way. I learned to drive a transport truck and I got to drive with my best friend and now husband, Ryan.
Ryan was the straw the broke this camels back. It was because of him I went back to church. I'm sure it's also because my brother Jason, who is best friend to Ryan now, pushed him...but I wouldn't have gone without Ryan pushing me and standing beside me.
I took him to a church my mom and I use to attend one day. It was up the road from our yard, and it was a small church so I figured it wouldn't be too overwhelming.
We sat through service... and shockingly, I didn't catch fire like I thought I would. However, you know that God was in the sermon because it was direct right at me even though the pastor didn't know it.
After service, the pastor came up to me, he thought he recognized me but couldn't place the grown up I had become from the little girl he last saw... Little name dropping and the light bulb went on.
He open the can of worms accidentally... or God-tentionally... and I confessed my darkest sin openly for the first time, how badly I screwed up, we, screwed up. You know what, he shocked me. He told me never to go back to where I came from and to move ahead because God was waiting for me. He didn't condone my actions, but he actually acknowledge the very real pain I had been feeling for years. He brought me back to the Cross! To forgiveness and redemption!
I felt like I was finally going in the right direction again. I had a job, I had a purpose and most importantly I found forgiveness at the foot of the cross.
I am far from perfect. I will admit how stupid I have been. While I will never be able to change my past, I sure can learn from it. I know that I will forever be labeled by my stupidity. I know that God knew everything was going to happen the way it did, and I know that God brought Ryan to me. 2 badly broken hearts needing one another. We met back in high school... nearly 30yrs ago. Our histories and paths have always been crossing and we never even knew it. Always a block away it seems.
To butcher quote Alice Cooper
"We are building a house of fire ...
We are building this house together...
Standing on solid ground"
That Solid Ground is a more stronger growing love for Jesus! Who though we stumbled held His nail pierced hand out for us and lifted us back to solid ground.
If you feel that God is calling you, go back to Him. It is never too late to turn around to Him. Forgiveness is for everyone, not just church going perfect Christians, but for all of us who have fallen on our faces in the dirt. Like the prodigal son, we can return to our Father and not be disgraced anymore. No matter what the world calls us, God calls us SON.
Signing off...
Mrs. Hood
